what about a scene… where a preist…. molests a posessed child?!?!?!?!?!?!
Archive for the Ben Category
Diary,
I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written in you. Looking back at the last entry I see that’s been about 12 years(I was 13!). Let’s look at my last entry.
“August, 1995
Dairy,
I know it’s been a long time sense I wroted in you, It seeems like almost 1 year. So let me fill you in on what’s going on… I have been listening to the Album “Dare to be Stupid” by weird Al! He is sooooo funny. He takes songs like that Ace of Base(who are coming to the Township Auditorium) song “The Sing Sign” and changes the lyrics to things like “The Swine”! AHAHAHAAAHA. I bet if he did a cover of Beethovens 9th it would go DUH DUH DUH DUMB and would have a really stupid guy in the video who like doesn’t know anything and is still trying to pass a test or something and then the teacher calls him up to the front of the class, but he’s got an erection so he trys to cover it up by carrying some books or like pushing it between his legs and waddling up to the front of the class. HAHAHAHA. I hope that one day I can meet weird Al and we can be friends.
I think that I have a crush on Amy. I don’t really know what a crush is, but whenever she’s in the room with me I start to choke and my arm goes numb. Sometimes I pretend that I’m going to go over to her house and use a latter ladder to climb up to her window, just like in Clarissa Explains it All. Only instead of Clarissa it will be Amy. I hope that one day Clarissa Explains it All and I can be friends. I also hope that Amy will talk to me.
My friend John is still pretending to hate me. Every time I go up and talk to him he pushes me away and makes fun of me about my weight. It’s ok. I know he’s just pretending. If I thought he was being serious then I would tell everyone how his babysitter used to make him dance around in a dress (He TOLD me this) and then I’d tell about how his old babysitter is his new Step-dad and how he still does it sometimes.
I’m a little worried because Iraq has threatened to end all cooperation with UNSCOM and IAEA, if sanctions against the country are not lifted by Thursday, August 31st. I’m worried that this might act as a destabilizing influence on an already tense and highly sectarian area of the world. I just feel bad because the main thrust of our sanctions against Iraq are, for the most part, hurting the innocents of an already violent dictatorial state. I mean, the rich and powerful select(Saddam and the Sunni elite) are still secretly making a killing on the Oil market(thank you OPEC) and because of the lack of regulations on the black market, are getting away with it completely tax free. It’s just further proof that our country cares more about our oil interests and maintaining our economic and political hegemony. Land of the free. HA. We’d sacrifice a generation of Iraqi children to fund our apathetic super state. If only we could make cars that ran on the blood of the innocent children of the Middle East, then we could just skip the middleman. I’m afraid that our time in Iraq may not yet be at an end. If we were to ever go back in we’d be standing on the brink of oblivion with nothing but a rope to hang our selves with. Hopefully we won’t go back without good reason. I mean if we want to place ourselves into a massive power vacuum and fuel the hatred of America in the Middle East for generations to come, then I guess we could go. It seems like the only reason that we might go would be if, in reaction to the fact that we don’t understand the intricacies of diplomacy and the region as a whole, a clueless President sought to destroy the complexities instead of reaching for a holistic understanding and a commitment to lasting peace. Thank God we’ve got Clinton.
Sorry diary gotta go! There’s a Hey Dude marathon on this afternoon. I am very excited. “
Oh Boy Diary!
Ah, to be young again. What was I thinking?
Why did I watch Hey Dude when Saved by the Bell was probably on?
So, I’ve had this funny little circle on my leg for the past couple of days.
It’s red, round and kind of resembles what you’d think of as a symptom of some serious life threatening condition.
It’s kind of like the thing that would appear at the beginning of a movie like Outbreak or the Andromeda Strain and would slowly dissolve into the background, as the infected guy(me) walks about his daily life, unknowingly infecting everyone he meets.
I’m not saying that’s what I’ve been doing. Just that it’s kind of like that.
I’m not quite sure what it is. I’ve been staying up thinking about it every night this week.
From the
content
on Web
MD there are
only two
possible explanations either
it’s cancer or it’s cancer-AIDSFrom the content on Web MD there are only two possible explanations either it’s cancer or it’s cancer-AIDS
Dear god!
What am I going to tell all my friends?
At my funeral they’ll say. “There goes Ben. It’s the funniest thing about how he contracted that life threatening illness…he was…..”
I’ll lean up to try and hear exactly where I went wrong. But it’ll be to no avail. You see when you’re dead you can’t hear anything. I don’t know if anyone has ever told you that. But it’s true. So I’ll squint my rotten, decaying eyes to see if I can read their lips. No, still no good. I was never very good at telling peoples D’s from B’s, and it from the looks of it they’re now onto the the part where they’re shaking each other’s hands anyways.
“Damn it!” I’ll silently cry and decomposition ties my uvula and tongue together in a stinking ball of death. “Why won’t you come over here and tell me what I can do differently next time? Is it regular physicals? Physicals at all? Maybe I could’ve taken care of myself and not counted all those times the neighborhood dogs licked my open wounds as bathing. Maybe I could’ve not made out with that homeless woman outside of my office every day. Maybe I shouldn’t have inhaled all of those vials weird smelling vials on my high school tour of the CDC.”
No. It probably wasn’t my fault. This kind of thing happens to everybody. I’ve read the self help books. People exhibit leprosy like symptoms all the time. Just not in America. And me? I’ve always considered myself a man of the world.
Nope there’s probably nothing I could’ve done.
I guess I’ll just get back to reality, draw a smiley face on the death mark to be, and go to sleep.
Ha Ha Ha Ha….get it…”Penal Life”….it’s a play on words….cause she had that show “The Simple Life” but now she is going to jail….guess life isn’t too simple anymore is it Paris? Ha Ha oh man I should be a writer for MSNBC.com…..and don’t get me started on Brad and Angelina that’s one celebrity couple that should never have children…..oh I tell ya…
Hey WarHeroes.com readers, if you like this observational piece on our world today, come visit for more of my hilarious hijinks in written word. That’s right just tell em Benjamin Compton sent ya! And remember Flim Flam Shim Sham, slippitey sloo!
Tickles,
Ben Compton
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