So, I’ve had this funny little circle on my leg for the past couple of days.

It’s red, round and kind of resembles what you’d think of as a symptom of some serious life threatening condition.

It’s kind of like the thing that would appear at the beginning of a movie like Outbreak or the Andromeda Strain and would slowly dissolve into the background, as the infected guy(me) walks about his daily life, unknowingly infecting everyone he meets.

I’m not saying that’s what I’ve been doing. Just that it’s kind of like that.

I’m not quite sure what it is. I’ve been staying up thinking about it every night this week.

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Dear god!

What am I going to tell all my friends?

At my funeral they’ll say. “There goes Ben. It’s the funniest thing about how he contracted that life threatening illness…he was…..”

I’ll lean up to try and hear exactly where I went wrong. But it’ll be to no avail. You see when you’re dead you can’t hear anything. I don’t know if anyone has ever told you that. But it’s true. So I’ll squint my rotten, decaying eyes to see if I can read their lips. No, still no good. I was never very good at telling peoples D’s from B’s, and it from the looks of it they’re now onto the the part where they’re shaking each other’s hands anyways.

“Damn it!” I’ll silently cry and decomposition ties my uvula and tongue together in a stinking ball of death. “Why won’t you come over here and tell me what I can do differently next time? Is it regular physicals? Physicals at all? Maybe I could’ve taken care of myself and not counted all those times the neighborhood dogs licked my open wounds as bathing. Maybe I could’ve not made out with that homeless woman outside of my office every day. Maybe I shouldn’t have inhaled all of those vials weird smelling vials on my high school tour of the CDC.”

No. It probably wasn’t my fault. This kind of thing happens to everybody. I’ve read the self help books. People exhibit leprosy like symptoms all the time. Just not in America. And me? I’ve always considered myself a man of the world.

Nope there’s probably nothing I could’ve done.

I guess I’ll just get back to reality, draw a smiley face on the death mark to be, and go to sleep.

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Today’s poem is by War Heroes member Chris Sanders.  It takes a jab at a very pressing issue in our world today and says “I’m here, and I’m not leaving!”.  Enjoy!

A in’t

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“Black folks, we do shit all like awww flib flab jib jab sucka!” “And white folks….man white folks y’all crazy!” (Cheers, laughter, people standing waving one hand in the air with other hand cupped over their mouth saying ooohhhh).

This is the reaction that happens when a black comic tells a joke, subsequently this is pretty much what all jokes about the differences between white and black people sound like coming from black comics. Now don’t take my statement as a biggoted or racist rant. I am fully supportive of all stand-up comics, as long as they provide a unique and comical perspective on the world around them. A comparison of penis size and how we walk is not a unique and comical perspective.

This post does not end there, it is not the hack black comics that are the only ones at fault here. Perhaps even worse than that are the white comics that think they are “edgy” by telling the exact same joke that seemed to work for the black guy. Recently while talking with Ben Compton of the War Heroes, he informed me of a stand-up show he saw whilst in New Orleans. It was post-Katrina, and the wounds were still being felt. A white comic decided to amp up the audience with this corker: (In a Looney Tunesesque black guy voice) “Man, when the floods came into New Orleans, all the citizens was like ‘Damn man, this shit ain’t nothin’ like Africa’!” (makes swimming motion with hands). The majority of the American public might think this to be hysterical “Awe man, that is EXACTLY how they talk, and it isn’t like Africa, I’ve been there!” It seems that the key problem in this scenario is the statement by both white and black comics alike of “This shit ain’t like Africa!”

I’ll end on this because there isn’t much more to say about this topic. The last time that an African American uttered the phrase “This shit ain’t nothin’ like Africa!”……WAS WHEN THEY WERE STILL AFRICANS!

(Chris raises microphone with one hand above his head, stares intently at the audience, then drops the mic as if to say “I don’t care about you”. He pounds his chest with both fists and then flashes a double peace sign to everybody while screaming “Gangsta fa life”)

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